Lammas/Lugnasadh

Keeping with my commitment to observe the Sabbats today we celebrated the first f the three harvest festivals by enjoying a meal together. On the menu was a homemade chicken soup flavoured with some of our garden herbs and some corn bread. We toasted to a fruitful harvest and enjoyed our meal.

Simple and easy which worked well since my Bean is teething and has her sinus working overtime. This means my early evenings are filled with trying to get her settled and not in pain. Not a great place to be doing a lot of ritual work but that can come later.

What I did do was spend some time in my garden (something I have been doing almost daily so far, if only to pick berries or harvest some lavender) and really look at where we are in the growing season and doing a little planning for the next few weeks. This is only our second year planting a garden and I find that my main concern other than weeding, ant control and slug trapping; is that I want to plant more next year.

Our growing season is pretty behind right now, so far raspberries, lavender and a handful of pea pods have been the only things coming out. My basil is not doing as well as I'd like, Tomatoes are flowering but not showing any signs of fruit, and broccoli and the lettuce is starting to show heads but my carrots, and onions are dead in the ground, the carrots flopped last week and the onions didn't even make a show. I'm learning and have plans to start from seed in the coming winter.



If I can get to it I'll post a little about what Lammas and Lugnasadh is another time. Until then I've got these images from our dinner with the lemon Balm Tiger Lily arrangement I put together for the feast.

Magick Everyday, Everywhere

Over at the Balanced Witch, the second assignment (for lack of a better word) is to consider supposed “coincidences” and to try to look at it from a magickal point of view. I've written about my views of magick here, and here and I still believe that our intentions, the energy that we put out into the world we live in comes back to us. This is magick. Like quantum it's all around us.

I've been pummeling my poor little brain to think of other examples of how magickal energy works. My introduction to both my daughters jumped to mind but at first thought, both of those seemed to me to be less about active energy than passive.

For the Peanut I "met" her spirit on a Summer Land meditation during Samhain. As I was getting ready to leave that place I felt a hand resting in my right hand a sensation that has repeated over and over since she became a part of our little family. During the Summer Land meditation we meet with our beloved dead and the spirits of those who are meant to be in our lives in the future can introduce themselves. At the end of the journey they sometimes follow us back. The Peanut followed me back and I invited her to stay.

Before the Bean made her presence known last year (with a combination upset stomach and an uncontrollable desire for frosted croissants and poutine with dill pickles) we had come to the conclusion that the Peanut was going to be an only child. We'd been not not trying for a second child for three years and with no signs of pregnancy, we reluctantly decided it wasn't to be. Both the husband and I felt that if we were meant to have a second child it would happen, if not it wouldn't, no pressure.

It hadn't happened and we had no sooner acknowledged this to each other when I dreamed one night of kicks in my belly. I took this dream as my subconscious' way of mourning the loss of a second child; I'd mentioned to the husband that I would miss feeling the quickening of pregnancy. Little did I know, that the Bean was and is a real kicker. She spent a good portion on the inside working her leg muscles into the big juicy dumplings that still kick out at all hours of the day and night. Once we learned that we had a bean the dream took on a whole new meaning.

Both of those experiences were amazing and magickal, but not based in any overt active pursuit of a goal. As I mentioned, even though we had made the decision to have a child (and once the Peanut was thriving; children) we didn't do much more than stop practicing to have a baby. We weren't not trying to get pregnant. Of course we put our intentions out into the universe but only in as much as we wanted it to happen if it was supposed to happen.

Intention

I'm back at it, but taking a simpler route. Gone are the grandest of plans but not my desire to fulfill them (visions of copperplate handwriting with gorgeous Pre-Raphaelite like images in a hand bound book of shadows anyone?) I will one day create a book of shadows to rival any movie art department creation but to try to do so now is just asking for a project that will never be finished.

So I'm starting along my path again traveling towards the divine. I've got my stack of books, my reference web pages and it's a full moon what better time to begin? You know other than in November? But I'm impatient to get going so...

One of the web pages I'm using to follow on this path is The Balanced Witch she has a section titled 366 days of Magick which is exactly the type of book I was looking for when I decided to travel the road to dedication last year. I'm following along there and will be linking there as often as I can.

I know that keeping focused is going to be a challenge (for example: with my Momma brain I just spent three minutes trying to remember that "challenge" was the word I was thinking of there) I've got the Jelly Bean taking up a lot of time and energy on one side, The Peanut is on another side with her needs (she's starting school in the fall and she's been very gracious about the whole new little sister thing). Getting the time to study and put in the amount of work that this path requires in order to make it worthwhile will mean that I'll be going slowly. The wonderful thing about connecting with the divine is that it is always there, waiting for you. So step one is a statement of intention:

I am entering into a period of learning (and refreshing my knowledge) about witchcraft and connecting with the Goddess and the God through this period of re/education with the creation of a Book of Shadows in blog form. At the end of this journey I want to feel more in touch with deity and the faith that feels right to me; to have built a foundation on which I can make my faith an integral piece of my daily life.

Restart

It's nearing a year since I began doing a year and a day's worth of study. Of course that journey was derailed by the simultaneous journey of welcoming the Jelly Bean into our lives. For whatever reason the Bean was conceived in the same week that I started my studies and as the pregnancy went on with the morning sickness and tiredness and then the uncomfortableness of carrying a lot of extra weight and the aches and pains on top of all the extra appointments with doctors and specialists and personal emotional and family dramas; study took a backseat and then just exited the car all together.

While I'm not looking to take a year and a day (more like as long as it takes to get it done) I'm going to restart the journey. Fortunately for me there are a few more online resources to help out and I'm going to take full advantage of them. My goals are still the same, I'm looking to incorporate creativity into my practice and with my hands full of Peanut and Bean things I can't be doing things with hard and fast deadlines. I'm just looking to get it done in my own time.

Now, working without a specific deadline will be a challenge. I'm hoping that sharing my journey here will help spur me on.

So here's to a new beginning and many more posts to come. Soon.

Welcome Welcome!

Sixteen days ago we welcomed our Bean into the family fold. She was born weighing 9lb 2.5oz with a beautiful thatch of dark hair and very munchable chubby cheeks.

Let it begin with each step we take

Sunday night I attended the 18th annual Vancouver Reclaiming Spiral Dance. I've gone to this public ritual on and off for the last 11 years and I always get something out of it.

The first year I went was especially powerful for me because during the meditation portion of the ritual I was able to connect to my Dad, who had passed on 12 years before. It was a very healing and cathartic experience and I look forward each year to passing through the thinning veil to connect with my beloved dead.

This year was the first time I've participated in the Spiral Dance while pregnant; with the Peanut I was out of town for the ritual and held a private ritual where I felt and welcomed her spirit into my life. I can still sometimes feel her spectral hand inside mine; a sensation that stuck with me as I traveled back through the veil after my visit to the Summerland that year. At the time I thought I was welcoming her spirit to come within the new year; little did I know she was already nestled inside and her hand was there in mine to tell that secret instead. My trip to the Summerland wasn't as specific this year as with the Peanut or my first trip. I felt the pull of more than one spirit when I stepped onto the shore and instead of a one on one or small gathering I felt enveloped in joy which was exactly what I needed.

The spiral this year was very energized and energizing; our intentions as well as the greater work of bringing healing to our earth fed into the cone and I could feel the room vibrating at the end with the energy and joy that the dance had built up.

I'll be keeping my personal work simple as usual. I'll take a moment to honour my beloved dead again on Samhain night and I'll be working some divination to see what's ahead this coming year. I like to use the time between Samhain and Yule to consider what seeds and goals I want to give birth to over the new year. One of those goals is to start incorporating a permanent altar space. How do you celebrate the new year of the Witches?

It's Elementary

Sometimes I have to get back to basics so that I can feel like I'm on the right track.

Every once in a while I go back and revisit things, to get a fresh look at something that I already know. I like to think of it as brushing up, kind of like taking a drawing class here and there. You get back to basics in order to head into a new creative direction or to see something that didn't take center stage before but leaps out at you now.

Revisiting the Elements is on my list of things to explore. Of course right now I'm feeling very attuned to water what with the mood swings that my over active hormones are causing; so I have a feeling that spending a week focused (or as focused as a pregnant Momma of a busy four year old can be) on the element of Water will flow fairly effortlessly. However I'm anticipating some turbulence with Air since Air has always been difficult for me to connect with.

This time around, I'm approaching the Elements from a creative point of view as a jumping point. Where would you start if you were in my shoes?

Housecleaning

As I've mentioned something has popped up that has added another element to my journey. It's caused me to take a step away from what I thought this was going to be and be about. I've put down some of the books I've been reading and re-reading and picked up other books that I've read before. For some reason these books seem more important right now and I'm going with that.

I have a busy couple of weeks ahead of me, the Peanut is turning 4 and there is a party on the radar.

We are headed back to Alberta and that means (if our last trip taught us anything that is) that posts here and at So Anyway... will be few and scattered if at all.

Tonight, once darkness has fallen, I'll be headed out to the backyard with a bowl of water and my heart full of healing intentions to meet a growing movement of people at the water.

And by the end of the weekend I hope to have sold my beloved 4x5 press camera. It's time to let it go, it's been sitting unused in it's heavy duty leather carry case for the last 4 years with very little time in the sun. It needs to be with someone who will put it to use and enjoy it.

Out of the mouths of babes

I wanted to write that sometimes I'm surprised at how children see the world but really what I mean is that I am amazed and in awe at how much truth they see and how they cut to the heart of the matter so elegantly. I read Any Mommy all the time. Her posts have opened my eyes to any number of hard, painful and beautiful things, also; she has the ability to make me laugh and cry in a single post.

Recently she posted a conversation she had with one of her children about what I refer to as Deity since I believe in more than one aspect of the divine and what she refers to as God. In the conversation she asked her son what he thought God was, his answer gave me chills with it's beautiful simplicity. It is the answer I would like to give to any one who ever asks me what I think Deity is. You can read it here:
Is There Any Mommy Out There?: Tell me all your thoughts on God

Talking religion and faith is a touchy subject, one that I rarely get into with people who don't know where my faith lies. In the case of talking to children about faith and religion, the subject itself is so immense it's hard to know where to start, how much to impart, what to leave alone. I come from a family that didn't really observe religion beyond Christmas and Easter and Church was never a part of those holidays for us. I want to raise my daughter to respect all aspects of the earth, her community and the divine. I'm doing this, as I do most things in baby steps, a little here and there, adding to our family practice as she grows older. We started with a night time prayer to the moon, an aspect of Deity that I feel strongly about. We've moved on to celebrating each Sabbat and Esbat in simple and fun ways. As we move onward we'll add more.

I believe, as I do with anything that has to do with parenting; that whatever is working for you and your family is the best thing for you to be doing. Taking into account the idea that no harm is being done of course.

Mirror Moments

This has turned out to be so challenging; so much sooner than I thought it would happen.

When I made the choice to honour the divine, to follow my own path towards Goddess spirituality; I made it knowing that I was going to have to face things about myself and my life that would feel uncomfortable about. That I would have to face, head on, painful moments and choices. I knew going in, that I would be looking into a mirror at times and that what I would see would be the truth and that I might not like what it was I was seeing.

We live far from family, what friends I have where we live have busy family lives and see mostly what I let them see. It's a hard thing to face the humiliation of having people see that your life is not picture perfect. It's also one of those mirror moments, when you see what your life is like through the eyes of others. What I've been living with, overlooking and letting fester was put under a magnifying glass and it was uncomfortable, it was painful. Excruciating. And I fought against it right up until it was laid bare to me by the ones who love us all the most.

I took the first step towards making a major change, towards a better life for myself, for my husband and mostly and most importantly for our daughter. I took that first step and my whole body shook, my face was flushed so badly that I felt as though I had been standing with my face turned towards the desert sun for a 12 hour day, my heart was pounding. I took the first step and it was hard and the next is going to be so much harder to take because I take it alone, I take it without those people standing beside me, or behind me or in front of me, and I can't afford to let things slide anymore. Changes have to be made and I have to back up that first step, make sure that the work gets done and if not; make a decision that I don't want to make but will.

Coming out of this I will be a stronger woman. Confronting a weakness and overcoming it is a part of facing the darkness and passing through it. It's not meant to be easy, nothing worthwhile ever is.

The Wiccan Rede

One of the first things I learned when I began to research Goddess Religion was the Wiccan Rede. Essentially the one common law that all Wiccans follow:

An ye harm none; do as thou wilt.

I've said before that my belief is that all Deities are part of a whole. Each Goddess and God a separate aspect of that powerful energy that includes all living things, and all forces. We are one with the Goddess, one with the God, one with where we live, one with our environment, with our neighbors. It only makes sense that we should consider each of our actions and how they will affect ourselves, those around us, our Earth.

Will something as simple as which apple I buy at the market cause any harm? If so, picking up an organically grown apple; instead of the first one I pass by, or even growing my own would be that much better. If I need new clothes do I buy the super inexpensive clothes that may have been created in a sweat shop or do I purchase from a consignment store, or better yet a consignment store where the proceeds go to a worthy charity?

There are a million choices like this that need to be made each day, each hour. It kind of makes living life, just going from minute to minute a spiritual act.

Of course the easiest choices are not always those that will cause the least amount of harm. Sometimes things like cash flow or not knowing that there is another choice can get in the way.

Changing our habits towards lowering our carbon foot print can be done by making one small change and then another and another and another; following the Rede can be done the same way a single step at a time.

I've been working on a page in my Book Of Shadows for the Rede. The whole poem which contains so much information about the wheel of the year, the moon phases, the rule of three... I can't imagine a better addition early in the book.

Once it's done I'll include some images.

In other news: It's my Grandma's 91st birthday next week so we'll be off celebrating with her. My posts may be few and far between until we return, I'm taking my new book with me and my sketchbook to jot down ideas and thoughts.

Lavendar, Sage, Thyme, Rosemary and Basil

My Mother's Day weekend was full of delightful moments and quality time with the family. My husband and daughter took me to the garden center where I picked out two lovely English Lavender plants to go with my fledgling herb garden.

I've chosen herbs that I can use both for cooking and for spell crafting. I've started some of the plants from seeds and others are from seedlings that I've picked up at the garden centre and the grocery store.

Spending time in the garden is turning out to be enjoyable and an act of meditation and a practice in patience. In short a beautiful way to honour the Goddess and Mother Earth.

Crossing the Threshold

Tonight.

Once the Peanut has drifted off to sleep and the Husband has headed out for a night of testosterone with his buddies I will bathe myself and then sit in the dark and the quiet. I will light a candle and call upon the powers of the Earth, Air, Fire and Water, I will call upon the Goddess and a circle will be cast.

I will speak to her from my heart. I will lay clear my intentions and cross over leaving my old self behind, stepping toward the new.

What to write, what to share

This journey is a deeply personal one; so figuring out what to share and how to share it is one of those things that only get more difficult the more thought I put into it.

I've put together a list of posting categories for posts in the hopes that for future reference I won't have to wade through a hodge podge of labels. Integrating spiritual practice with creative practice is high on my list of priorities on this journey, as is creating a Book of Shadows that I can physically hold in my hand once the three hundred and sixty six days are done.

On my To Do list today is to get some pages ready for that book. I'll be using some of the art paper that I have on hand in my studio space and creating multi-media pages using the pages as a starting point, substrate to thoughts, sketches, collages, photographs and whatever else I think needs to be there.

I've started to re-read some of my books in preparation for all of this. I'm a little up in the air at the moment about whether to have a dedication ceremony at the beginning of this journey or at the end or maybe I will need to do both. I suppose that will be my first post once the journey begins.

Still the stars they sparkle and shine

As I approach the gate that opens onto the path I will be walking; I'm gathering those things around me that I think I'll need on my journey. The books in my library, the few tools I've acquired over the years (tarot cards, pendulum, the apple twig from my Grandmother's tree, hand thrown chalice, my art supplies and paper) my intentions. I have selected my start date to be Beltane which is just around the corner, in a few days so I am preparing for the first step across the threshold.

I've been thinking about what I want this journey to entail and how I want it to take form. I'm a creative person and I am constantly trying to integrate that into my lifestyle as opposed to fitting it in when I have extra time. Making the choice to study for a year and a day to dedicate myself to the pagan path feels the same to me. I want to make it a part of my daily life just as I want to make being creative a part. It's all intertwined and I hope to make the weave stronger in the coming year and a day.

In keeping with these ideas I will be posting here on my progress and also keeping a journal of sorts with an eye to binding it into a Book of Shadows.

As I mentioned above I have books in my library that I have picked up here and there over the years. Some I have read and reread others I have skimmed and still others have sat collecting dust. I have my eye on a book that is specific to this process:

Wicca: A Year & a Day: 366 Days of Spiritual Practice in the Craft of the Wise by Timothy Roderick

Has anyone read this book? Did you find it useful?

And then there's you

In case you are following me from So Anyway... and even if you aren't Welcome. The blog title comes from a song that has been on constant replay in my playlist lately. The post title is from the same song. You can hear the song here.

I've been playing around with starting a second blog that I could use as a journal of my journey of a year and a day towards my dedication to the Goddess. I've mentioned in So Anyway... that my spiritual path is Pagan but although I've been a practicing Pagan for many years I have never actually taken steps towards dedication. I guess it's my penchant for being non-committal and stand-offish.

It's time that I get off the sidelines and jump in and this is where I'm going to share that ever so scary and bold diving. I'm not sure how to get started other than to devote a part of each of my days for a year and a day towards a study of the Goddess, the God; in their many forms; the elements, the Earth and her cycles and to share what I'm doing, thinking, practicing and reading here.

Are you following the same path? Where did you start? What prompted that first step?