Restart

It's nearing a year since I began doing a year and a day's worth of study. Of course that journey was derailed by the simultaneous journey of welcoming the Jelly Bean into our lives. For whatever reason the Bean was conceived in the same week that I started my studies and as the pregnancy went on with the morning sickness and tiredness and then the uncomfortableness of carrying a lot of extra weight and the aches and pains on top of all the extra appointments with doctors and specialists and personal emotional and family dramas; study took a backseat and then just exited the car all together.

While I'm not looking to take a year and a day (more like as long as it takes to get it done) I'm going to restart the journey. Fortunately for me there are a few more online resources to help out and I'm going to take full advantage of them. My goals are still the same, I'm looking to incorporate creativity into my practice and with my hands full of Peanut and Bean things I can't be doing things with hard and fast deadlines. I'm just looking to get it done in my own time.

Now, working without a specific deadline will be a challenge. I'm hoping that sharing my journey here will help spur me on.

So here's to a new beginning and many more posts to come. Soon.

I'm digging in the dirt, Stay with me I need support

Hoo boy! I love song lyrics, and Peter Gabriel has some fantastic ones.

Staying on track, in a bit of a heat wave, while pregnant, and dealing with a Peanut, (who is processing the fact that she's going to have to make room in the center of our universe for the Bean and acting out because she has no idea where she's going to fit every thing) is taking a bit of a toll on my time.

My last few weeks have been hectic. Between Ultrasounds, meeting with a Social worker about post partum depression, meeting with the dietitians about starting to eat like a gestational diabetic complete with before and after meal finger poking and Ob Gyn appointments birthday parties and almost nightly bed changing as the Peanut processes all the new stuff going on and coming along I've been motivated to pick up only Disc World novels around bedtime instead of heavier reading.

But, but, I'm thinking about Earth as I go along, since the earth is all about fecundity and as a pregnant woman I am definitely showing off how fertile I am and embracing that it's not far from my mind at any given time. Moon Daughter was kind enough to comment on my last post with a link to a blog that is currently delving into each element in turn; and I have been reading along at the Domestic Witch with a lot enthusiasm. Her posts are so full of information and exercises that get right to the heart of the element plus a cool recipe for dirt cake that makes me wish I was able to dive in with a shovel if only the GD allowed for such brazen digestion of cookies, pudding and gummy worms.

I have picked Earth as my first element to explore and I hope to start digging and posting soon. I promise.

Housecleaning

As I've mentioned something has popped up that has added another element to my journey. It's caused me to take a step away from what I thought this was going to be and be about. I've put down some of the books I've been reading and re-reading and picked up other books that I've read before. For some reason these books seem more important right now and I'm going with that.

I have a busy couple of weeks ahead of me, the Peanut is turning 4 and there is a party on the radar.

We are headed back to Alberta and that means (if our last trip taught us anything that is) that posts here and at So Anyway... will be few and scattered if at all.

Tonight, once darkness has fallen, I'll be headed out to the backyard with a bowl of water and my heart full of healing intentions to meet a growing movement of people at the water.

And by the end of the weekend I hope to have sold my beloved 4x5 press camera. It's time to let it go, it's been sitting unused in it's heavy duty leather carry case for the last 4 years with very little time in the sun. It needs to be with someone who will put it to use and enjoy it.

and just like that

another stumbling block.

This week has been a little how shall I say... I don't know how to say without getting too much into something that I'm not ready to talk about just yet but lets just say that I've have changes incoming and adjusting to them is taking away from some of the things I wanted to be writing about today instead of writing about why I'm behind. So the exercises that I mentioned in the last post are still on my to do list once I can put more focus on them. They are simple exercises and ones that I can do simply and soon once I've managed to get my equilibrium back in place or rather my footing. In the meantime I am still reading, and examining because that never stops.

All things

This post is going to sound fairly quantum (as far as I understand quantum based on certain aspects of Terry Pratchett's Disc World and other popular media that I've gleaned here and there)

This week I went back to Starhawk again, and put my focus on the idea of patterns and relationships in respect to the idea of magical workings; which if we're going to be honest, is probably what draws most people to the craft to begin with. Casting spells by the light of the full moon and candle or firelight is a romantic notion that was (and is) one that drew my attention, when I first started investigating Wicca and Paganism as a spiritual path.

Ultimately creating magic is all about sending your will, your intentions, your wishes out into the universe. It is about changing your consciousness at will. It is about seeing the world in respect to patterns of energy, of cause and effect, light and dark... Looking at the world with a heightened awareness. This way of looking at the world is one that artists often find themselves using; which sets them apart from mainstream society; and is another connection between creativity and the divine.

It's about sending what you want out into the universe so that the universe will toss it right back to you; because; with sending out the intention, you are also working towards that goal as well.

I'm not quite finished the chapter I've been reading. There are some exercises in this chapter that I want to do in addition to the exercises in another book I am reading that I feel will be a great introduction to Starhawk's activities. My next post will be about those as well as any other thoughts that come up as I finish the chapter.

It's all good, or not as bad as I thought it would be

My last post.
Of the things I've learned from this; that I am no longer willing to let things slide because there is calm after a storm is top of the list. Enough is enough. Storms should not be a regular part of life, life should not have to tip toe around in fear of starting a new one. We are moving forward and it's a long road ahead, but we are moving forward together and along the same road.

I've been reading some, and allowing myself some time to create a little each day. I'm coming across some glitches with my BOS pages but I will be able to clear these up with some problem solving. Once I've done that I'll share them here.

I'll post a little bit about what I've been reading in the few days and what my thoughts are about it all.

Mirror Moments

This has turned out to be so challenging; so much sooner than I thought it would happen.

When I made the choice to honour the divine, to follow my own path towards Goddess spirituality; I made it knowing that I was going to have to face things about myself and my life that would feel uncomfortable about. That I would have to face, head on, painful moments and choices. I knew going in, that I would be looking into a mirror at times and that what I would see would be the truth and that I might not like what it was I was seeing.

We live far from family, what friends I have where we live have busy family lives and see mostly what I let them see. It's a hard thing to face the humiliation of having people see that your life is not picture perfect. It's also one of those mirror moments, when you see what your life is like through the eyes of others. What I've been living with, overlooking and letting fester was put under a magnifying glass and it was uncomfortable, it was painful. Excruciating. And I fought against it right up until it was laid bare to me by the ones who love us all the most.

I took the first step towards making a major change, towards a better life for myself, for my husband and mostly and most importantly for our daughter. I took that first step and my whole body shook, my face was flushed so badly that I felt as though I had been standing with my face turned towards the desert sun for a 12 hour day, my heart was pounding. I took the first step and it was hard and the next is going to be so much harder to take because I take it alone, I take it without those people standing beside me, or behind me or in front of me, and I can't afford to let things slide anymore. Changes have to be made and I have to back up that first step, make sure that the work gets done and if not; make a decision that I don't want to make but will.

Coming out of this I will be a stronger woman. Confronting a weakness and overcoming it is a part of facing the darkness and passing through it. It's not meant to be easy, nothing worthwhile ever is.

Witchcraft as Goddess Religion Part 2

I'm reading and re-reading and wanted to follow up on the last post. One of the side effects of doing all the reading is that I'm starting to think critically about what I'm reading and about this whole journey. Ideally a year and a day is just the beginning of the journey, the whole point is that I'm not following blindly the path that is set out but that I am creating my own road, sometimes or most of the time it will run parallel to other paths but it will be cleared by me. It's hard work but good work.

I'm not wanting to get preachy with posts based on what I've been reading. Writing down my thoughts about what is in a book is the best way for me to absorb it. Some of the ideas are new insights for me; others build upon how I think already. In the end what I'm getting from my reading of this chapter is a framework for what a Goddess religion is and how it differs from a patriarchal framework.

Thoughts on the chapter:

The inquisition: the degeneration of early Christian Asceticism (turning it's back on the world of the flesh in order to become closer to God) into misogyny. Those who were/are identified with the flesh, with sexuality (women) were/are equated with evil. Ultimately the Inquisition was a power play. A way to take away the power perceived to be held by Witches (midwives, herbalists, mothers) and put it into the hands of men. In today's world, to come out of the Broom closet is to reclaim the right for women to be as powerful as men. to accept and honour the feminine within all of us (men and women) as a part of the divine.

Like the feminist movement, the Goddess religions seek to bring equality of power. The main thing to recognize about equality of power is that giving equal power to minorities (and by minorities I include anyone who feels that they are not a part of the majority due to religious, cultural, sex, sexual orientation...) does not take power away. It's a tough one to wrap your (my) head around because most people consider power as a way to control.

The Symbolism of the Goddess is not equal to that of the symbolism of God the Father: An extension to my last thoughts, the male God rules from the outside; legitimizing male control of social institutions and over others. The God rules the world in a Patriarch. The Goddess is the world.

In Witchcraft each of s must reveal our own truth, Deity is in our own forms, whether female or male, because the Goddess has her male aspect... Religion is a matter of relinking, with the divine within and with her outer manifestations in all of the human and natural world - Starhawk The Spiral Dance.

The Goddess symbolizes the egos creativity which is the definition of the Divine Feminine

The Divine Feminine uses Goddess symbolism to describe the ego's creativity; an ever changing energy. She is inspiration, She sparks creativity. She creates fertility of both mind and spirit. The balanced harmony of all of the things that make up our world, plant/animal/people/divine is not automatic it needs to be constantly renewed which is what Craft rituals are for. The guiding principle of practicing the Craft is Honour, through realizing oneself. To love and honour yourself is to love and honour the Goddess, To love and honour our planet, the animals, our neighbors... the list could go on and on... is to love and honour the Goddess.

Crossing the Threshold

Tonight.

Once the Peanut has drifted off to sleep and the Husband has headed out for a night of testosterone with his buddies I will bathe myself and then sit in the dark and the quiet. I will light a candle and call upon the powers of the Earth, Air, Fire and Water, I will call upon the Goddess and a circle will be cast.

I will speak to her from my heart. I will lay clear my intentions and cross over leaving my old self behind, stepping toward the new.

What to write, what to share

This journey is a deeply personal one; so figuring out what to share and how to share it is one of those things that only get more difficult the more thought I put into it.

I've put together a list of posting categories for posts in the hopes that for future reference I won't have to wade through a hodge podge of labels. Integrating spiritual practice with creative practice is high on my list of priorities on this journey, as is creating a Book of Shadows that I can physically hold in my hand once the three hundred and sixty six days are done.

On my To Do list today is to get some pages ready for that book. I'll be using some of the art paper that I have on hand in my studio space and creating multi-media pages using the pages as a starting point, substrate to thoughts, sketches, collages, photographs and whatever else I think needs to be there.

I've started to re-read some of my books in preparation for all of this. I'm a little up in the air at the moment about whether to have a dedication ceremony at the beginning of this journey or at the end or maybe I will need to do both. I suppose that will be my first post once the journey begins.

Still the stars they sparkle and shine

As I approach the gate that opens onto the path I will be walking; I'm gathering those things around me that I think I'll need on my journey. The books in my library, the few tools I've acquired over the years (tarot cards, pendulum, the apple twig from my Grandmother's tree, hand thrown chalice, my art supplies and paper) my intentions. I have selected my start date to be Beltane which is just around the corner, in a few days so I am preparing for the first step across the threshold.

I've been thinking about what I want this journey to entail and how I want it to take form. I'm a creative person and I am constantly trying to integrate that into my lifestyle as opposed to fitting it in when I have extra time. Making the choice to study for a year and a day to dedicate myself to the pagan path feels the same to me. I want to make it a part of my daily life just as I want to make being creative a part. It's all intertwined and I hope to make the weave stronger in the coming year and a day.

In keeping with these ideas I will be posting here on my progress and also keeping a journal of sorts with an eye to binding it into a Book of Shadows.

As I mentioned above I have books in my library that I have picked up here and there over the years. Some I have read and reread others I have skimmed and still others have sat collecting dust. I have my eye on a book that is specific to this process:

Wicca: A Year & a Day: 366 Days of Spiritual Practice in the Craft of the Wise by Timothy Roderick

Has anyone read this book? Did you find it useful?

And then there's you

In case you are following me from So Anyway... and even if you aren't Welcome. The blog title comes from a song that has been on constant replay in my playlist lately. The post title is from the same song. You can hear the song here.

I've been playing around with starting a second blog that I could use as a journal of my journey of a year and a day towards my dedication to the Goddess. I've mentioned in So Anyway... that my spiritual path is Pagan but although I've been a practicing Pagan for many years I have never actually taken steps towards dedication. I guess it's my penchant for being non-committal and stand-offish.

It's time that I get off the sidelines and jump in and this is where I'm going to share that ever so scary and bold diving. I'm not sure how to get started other than to devote a part of each of my days for a year and a day towards a study of the Goddess, the God; in their many forms; the elements, the Earth and her cycles and to share what I'm doing, thinking, practicing and reading here.

Are you following the same path? Where did you start? What prompted that first step?